Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
