is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
