I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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