He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drunk is a universal language darling
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