If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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