Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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