I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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