the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
