Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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