She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
