You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
