This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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