You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
