Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
