i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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