so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
