she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
