I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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