I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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