bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
