Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
