His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
