shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
