mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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