Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
