im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
