Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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