I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
