Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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