Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
