If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
