if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
