I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
