Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
