Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
