you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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