she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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