So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
