Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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