I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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