I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
