So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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