i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
