I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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