Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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