I wish I could punch you in the face.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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