we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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