i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
