I met the friendliest cop last night
she looked like the before picture.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
