what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
