I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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