It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
