Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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