After last night, I could never be a politician.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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