I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
