Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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