The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
