i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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