Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
