You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
