Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
