So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
