Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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