Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
