Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
