I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
